||[Apr. 9th, 2003|11:27 pm]
|||||Undone (The Sweater Song)-Weezer-Weezer||]|
It has been a tough week. Hell every week is tough, some more than others granted. But this week hasn't been one that I thought I would have to see in this way. I always thought that being on the short end of a broken-up relationship would be really hard. For me it hasn't been, all that hard. The only times that I find myself really sad are when I realize how I can't/won't be able to do stupid stuff with her anymore, just the little things.
I feel like I hurt her in some way, the way she won't talk to me. I am still the same guy, I still care about her, I still want everything to be good for her. That does hurt me a little bit. But if that's the worst of it (boy, don't I hope?) things for me should go pretty well.
Nothing like having your heart broken to find out what you need to do about yourself.
Well that was how I was going to end it. But something in me said no.
So here it really goes.
I haven't had time to deal with what's going on, I think I am scared that when I do it will really be over. I can't sleep because I am scared that she will be in my dreams, and I'll wake up to myself. How could I have overlooked what an asshole I became? How did she take my crap for so long? I feel so small, I feel like all I ever did was hurt her. How long can I go without dealing with this? Will it just go away someday?
Isn't it funny how songs all have to deal with love when you hurt, and more importiantly how they all have to do with the love you are hurting from?
This isn't going anywhere, maybe tomorrow I will know where to take it.
Good night everyone.